My only "Diamond"

Today mommy finally get assured and confirmed against 2nd pregnancy..:-/. Mommy went for 3rd jab of Cervarix at Dr Chia's gynae clinic (Dr Chia is the doc who brings Eeanne to this world), so mommy took the opportunity to re-confirm again with Dr Chia on my thought of 2nd baby.

It has always a wish to give Eeanne a sibling since she touched 1y.o. Up to today, mommy never told Eeanne about mommy medical history, here is a bit of mommy pregnancy history:

"mommy was diagnosed with Nephritis during the 4th month pregnancy with Eeanne. All started with the early proteinuria and hematuria. Mommy was half bed resting for the 1st trimester, off from work for almost 2 months. During these 2 months, every steps that mommy taken was so cautious, all thought was focus on how to keep my baby in safe and sound. Mommy had to go through biopsy during the 4th month, the feelings was like sitting on the roller coster. After the biopsy, then it was confirm as autoimmune Nephritis. The only lucky thing which mommy really thinks is a blessing was mommy's BP went stable through the whole pregnancy, this delay the starting of Prednisolone. Immediately after the caesarean, mommy was put on Prednisolone, after only 1 mth, all the side effects slowly emerged, the most embarrassing side effects were the "moon face" and "buffalo hump", anyway mommy went through it, whenever mommy felt sad and down on mommy's appearance, by looking at my little adorable baby made all the worries and low self esteem vanished."

So immediately the delivery, mommy started with the nephrology follow up every 2-3 months. Currently mommy was on Micardis 80mg and Lipitor 20mg.

2 months ago, mommy discussed with nephrologist to stop taking medication, because mommy planned to have a sibling for Eeanne. So mommy stopped medication for approximately 2 months. Hai....too bad, after the 2 months, everything went bad, urine protein increase, lipid profile increase and BP increase too. So nephrologist suggested to continue the medication and to try again maybe a year later. The thought of another try never ceased, whenever mommy see a little baby, all the memory of babyhood and craving came back.

Until today, after had a short chat with Dr Chia, the enlightenment strike me. The thought of having 2 babies but carrying the risk of going through dialysis suddenly made mommy stop the intention to go for the trial. Mommy needs to preserve whatever good health I have now to nurture Eeanne, to grow with Eeanne and see Eeanne turn into a teenager, a lady, a career woman, a happy wife and a caring mother. Eeanne needs mommy's attention very much, how could mommy fulfill Eeanne's needs if mommy myself were not in good shape.

Ok lah....Mommy has decided now....You will be our only precious "Diamond".

Mindfullness...

This is a piece of article shared by Auntie Joyce, mommy finds it really enlightening and would like to share it with Eeanne and whoever read this blog.

It is indeed a good reminder in our daily practice.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 1 Empty mind need not be devil’s workshop by GIRISH DESHPANDE, Time of India, 25 January 2010 New Delhi, India -- It is strange how we have been made to believe since growing years, of an idle mind being the devil’s workshop. The Buddhist view is to Classroom An empty mind need not be the devil’s workshop Sit in a comfortable position – as lotus or just cross-legged – in a quiet place, with the spine erect, hands folded across your lap, with the bottom of your right palm resting on the left palm and the two thumbs touching each other. Eyes angled at the slant of the nose, shoulders thrown back, chin slightly tucked in and the tongue tip touching the palate of the slightly open mouth -- the seven-point Vairacona posture. Steady the mind with slow and regular breaths. Focus on the breath till you sense reasonable steadiness of mind. Observe the mind carefully. What is happening within it? Quite likely there will be thoughts because such is its nature. All forms, sounds, thoughts and perceptions – there is nothing that does not arise in the mind. Now observe mindfully what is happening to these thoughts. Some come and go on their own; few others linger and retreat while yet others are persistent. This is a normal experience. Here begins the interesting part. While in this state of observance, where you are aware of what is going on around you but not engaging in them on in any way, you will ‘see’ that unless there is an engagement of any arisen thought or feeling by the intervention of any one of the six senses, five sensory and the conceptualised mind, no response will be forthcoming in the form of body or speech actions. This means that only when we engage, consciously or sub-consciously, with our arising thoughts and feelings, do they have the capacity to manifest further. It means, if we do not engage with arising thoughts or feelings, they will die or fade out on their own. This is the nature of our mind. Awareness, undivided from Emptiness. This is known as the view. Slowly come out of this state and return to the ordinary state. As soon as an external negative stimulus of any kind is given to the mind, be it an angry word, an unpleasant smell, a loud sound, a painful feeling, a sorrowful sight, a negative thought with a capacity to bring suffering upon us or others, observe for a moment how this stimulus is being treated by the mind before reacting to it. If we can effectively change this ‘immediately reactive’ treatment into a ‘delayed response’ kind of treatment from within the state of emptiness, the resultant offering will be pleasant and virtuous. Train yourself in mindfulness. At all times be vigilant of the manner in which the mind is processing every external stimulus. To an ordinary mind, stimuli can be sensational, arousing, disturbing and seductive. The mind is gullible and thoughts can deceive easily. But if we are observant at every moment, we will be able to grasp the ‘slipping’ mind and instead respond from the View state of awareness-emptiness. This can be made a continuous living experience. And to relentlessly practice the accumulations of the view and meditation at all times, is our action. Perfecting this state is Dzogchen practice, central to the Nyingma tradition of Buddhism. Remember to humbly dedicate all pleasant sights for the liberation of all beings. Actions themselves have no capacity to bring benefit unless dedicated. Such dedication, detached from pride, ambition and conceptualisation will bring us happiness through liberation from sufferance. Part 2 In practising loving kindness (metta), we start by loving ourselves. This includes accepting and forgiving ourselves. Below is a step by step on forgiveness, Buddhism style: Have forgiveness in your heart for anything you think you've done wrong. Forgive yourself for all the past omissions and commissions. They are long gone. Understand that you were a different person and this one is forgiving that one that you were. Feel that forgiveness filling you and enveloping you with a sense of warmth and ease.

My great improvement....

Initially mommy thought of stopping the Da Vinci drawing class after Eeanne 2nd lesson. Looking at the artwork after 2 lessons, mommy felt it is too early to enroll Eeanne for drawing: 1) Eeanne can't really sit still for one hour to concentrate on her drawing

2) Her simply scratch and draw is too costly spent looking at her 2 results

Today was the 3rd lesson after a month break (we were not in town during the year end many weekends holidays)

Surprisingly...Eeanne sat still for one hour without going up here and there as usual and she managed to color by herself all through without teacher paying much attention on her as per last 2 lessons. Mommy didn't go near to Eeanne too, sitting aside far doing the observation, mmm....today Eeanne was indeed performing well!!

Sitting aside waiting for that one hour made mommy reminiscing mommy's childhood, looking at mommy's teenage, "bo bo" is the one who always did the waiting for mommy's piano lesson, never ever mommy understand the feels on "bo bo" waiting, but now mommy is taking over "bo bo"'s duty and applying on Eeanne. The feeling is really sweet and never been the same as the impatient "waiting" of even 10 min on any other events..:-) That is the love "bo bo" has on mommy and now mommy feels it on Eeanne...what a loving chain relationship...;-)

Come back to Eeanne's drawing, today even teacher praised on Eeanne's performance, and teacher likes Eeanne's creative artwork too, it shows IMPROVEMENT!!

Oh! oh! shall mommy let Eeanne to continue the drawing class?? :-?

What do you like about the zoo??

Finally we made it to zoo!!

It was a plan since early last year to bring Eeanne to our National Zoo but kept delaying it due to the outbreak of Avian Flu. After long awaiting, we finally made it last month during the Christmas break.

Since a baby, Eeanne has been watching those Barney CD, one of the episodes was "What do you like about the Zoo?" From there Eeanne was exposed to those wild animals but never go up close. Now we finally get the chance to meet all her "friends"

Our National Zoo is quite well maintain except the strong cow dung smell. (But auntie Leong Lai said Melaka Zoo is even better than National Zoo, the tigers and lions are more active than the one here). After this trip, only mommy daddy realise Eeanne is so "siu che", she covered her nose whenever we came to the strong smell spot and she really showed her "siu che" reluctant facial expression:-/

Overall, it was really a big eye opening experience for Eeanne, she came so.... close to the giraffes, elephants, camels, ostrichs, pony and snakes!!

I want to ride on this pony..

eik...I scared of the snake...

Hey..I am the "puteri"
So...tiring...where is my stroller?
Hi...zebra and camel
Flamingo is flying....f..f..f...
Top right: do you see the lazy tiger behind the bush?
Wah....the elephant is so near to me....

"daddy...the giraffe is coming near already..."

The aquarium here doesn't have much too see...I prefer the KLCC Aquaria!

Lazy lion and crocodile...no fun:-(

You touch my heart...Eeanne

Recently Eeanne is very much responsive and seems to be very understanding and reasoning. Eeanne shows her caring to mommy which really surprise mommy!

Everynight mommy will tell a bedtime moral story for Eeanne, last week mommy told Eeanne about the sheep story reflects on how filial is the baby sheep to her mother. Eeanne paid full attention on the whole story, when the story ended, Eeanne quiet for a second and then said:
"Sorry mommy....I don't mean it...I won't break your glasses anymore...I love you.."
Oohh...this really surprise mommy and touched mommy's heart...
(A week before last week, Eeanne had broken mommy's glasses and really got a hard lesson from mommy and made mommy spend another hundreds for a new spec.)

-----------------------------------

Eeanne likes to piggy back at mommy especially during mommy's meal time. One night, during the dinner time, Eeanne climbed up the chair and stood behind mommy, stepping on the small little space on the chair and it looked dangerous with a fall.
Eeanne: mommy....will you take care.....? (Eeanne always asked mommy "will you take care of me")
Mommy: yeah..of course, mommy will take care of you..
Eeanne: No........mommy.....you take care of yourself.
(Eeanne said this with the face rubbing on mommy's cheek....:-)....mmm...so touch)

-----------------------------------

On the new year eve(30/12/09).....
Mommy: Eeanne, time flies so fast, it is another new year now....mommy is getting old already...."
Eeanne shouted in tear: Mommy!....don't get OLD...."
(Does Eeanne really understand the meaning of OLD.....suddenly mommy feel like freezing the time from running....)

-----------------------------------

Happy New Year 2010!!!!

Time flies....2009 has became the previous chapter of life, 2010 is another new page full with colorful experience to venture, tales to tell, lessons to learn and events for us to feel gratitude.

It has been few years mommy didn't write down the new year resolutions. Yesterday mommy just completed the draft of mommy's personal and our family New Year Resolutions. Wah...there will be new challenges to face and new goals to achieve for Eeanne, above all, the most important is daddy mommy would like to wish Eeanne well, happy and healthy!

2009 flash back...

Of course, there are many good achievement, too long list to jot down here. Overall daddy mommy are quite satisfy with what we had achieved in 2009

So what Eeanne has achieved?

- well...obviously Eeanne's linguistic development is fabulously improved

-Eeanne's singing talent is improving through the year, her favourites are "The whole new world", "Reflection", "Dancing Queen", "Slipping Through my fingers" bla bla bla...of course all are not in full complete song:-P

-Eeanne has become very helpful in gardening and in any activities that mommy did

-Eeanne has develop her own opinion, good in protesting and never give up her right in choosing her favourite TV channels

-Eeanne started her lazy posture, like to lying on the mattress, leaning on the sofa cushion and phobia in taking her shower

-Eeanne had her first "rotan' cane in 2009!!

-Eeanne started her crankiness and often made daddy mommy and even mama to lost temper

-many many mores.....

Besides being grateful on past achievement, do not forget to continually feels gratitude on things to be done or happened in 2010. "Gratitude" is the value that mommy would like to inject into Eeanne's life.. Gratitude manifest in many forms: filial piety, high self-esteem, loving kindness attitude towards own self and others and be responsible are some of the daily useful tools. Mommy daddy will not hope for any returns from Eeanne for what we have done, mommy daddy will only hope that Eeanne to be respectful, filial piety and own responsible.

Let's share this little moral story about gratitude for a good start 2010 (mommy gets this story from uncle Tan's blog which mommy feels it is good to share)

很早以前，一只母羊生了一只小羊羔。羊妈妈非常疼爱小羊，晚上睡觉让它依偎 在身边，用身体暖着小羊，让小羊睡得又熟又香。白天吃草，又把小羊带在身边，形影不离。遇到别的动物欺负小羊，羊妈妈用头抵抗保护小羊。一次，羊妈妈正在 喂小羊吃奶。一只母鸡走过来说：“羊妈妈，近来你瘦了很多。吃上的东西都让小羊咂了去。你看我，从来不管小鸡们的吃喝，全由它们自己去扑闹哩。”羊妈妈讨 厌母鸡的话，就不客气地说：“你多嘴多舌搬弄是非，到头来犯下拧脖子的死罪，还得挨一刀，对你有啥好处？”气走母鸡后，小羊说：“妈妈，您对我这样疼爱，我怎样才能报答您的养育之恩呢？”羊妈妈说：“我什么也不要你报答，只要你有这一片孝心就心满意足了。”小羊听后，不觉下泪，“扑通”跪倒在地，表示难以 报答慈母的一片深情。从此，小羊每次吃奶都是跪着。它知道是妈妈用奶水喂大它的，跪着吃奶是感激妈妈的哺乳之恩。这就是“羊羔跪乳”

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010