The Feel of Letting Go...(TTDI Park Insight)

It was a plan some time ago to bring Eeanne to TTDI park, and finally we visited this mother nature few weeks ago, fall in love with it and paid a 2nd visit last weekend. In fact, daddy mommy would like to bring Eeanne to this park more often, if possible to make it a weekly family activity.

It has been almost 6-7 years since mommy's last visit to this park, the place is still as popular as it is with its constant flow of loyalty patrons from aged 1 to 80.

There are several wide and lengthy jogging paths and we especially like the one near to the forest with shedding trees, full of fresh air and negative ions!!

Besides the jogging activities, there is a mini stream which is the main spot for all kids besides the nearby playground. There are many locals and expatriates set up their picnic mats by the stream (and mommy daddy are already planning for one weekend:-)). All the kids are so fascinated by the tiny guppy fish hiding under the rocks. We had missed out the joy of this fishing activity during our first visit, however during the last weekend visit, Eeanne brought her mini fishing pail and net while mommy helped to catch a few tiny guppies for Eeanne.

It could be rather a hard attempt for kids to catch those tiny fish in the stream. It was so heart touching that day we met an kind expatriate who brought some colored fish to be thrown to the stream to satisfy the eagerness of the kids. While throwing at one end, he asked Eeanne to stand at the other end with the net ready, and the fish was just willingly swam into Eeanne's net and that is really really satisfying, at least for Eeanne..:-)

We know that we can't bring those fish back which will die in few days due to environment changes, thus mommy told Eeanne to let go the fish back into the stream. We hold the pail with around 10 fishes and counted 1...2...3....and slowly poured all the fish into the water. At that very moment of seeing those fishes swimming out from the pail, there was an indescribable feeling of joy emerged, the bliss of letting go was truly felt by both daddy and mommy, a kind of feeling which has been oppressed and long lost in our daily challenging life. For Eeanne, we know that she might not feel the same as mommy daddy felt, however, when asked whether she is happy to see those fish swim away, Eeanne answered: "YES!" At least Eeanne is happy to let go the fish :-)

For now, Eeanne is anticipating for our next visit to the park but this round she is asking mommy daddy to buy fish to let it go rather than concentrating on the idea of fishing in the stream...:-)

Lesson for Eeanne:

"On the journey in pursuing our life goals and dreams, we should do our best to commit and be responsible, every strive should be in full hearted and sincere. However we may need to practise to "let go" the result of whatever outcome it will bring."

The rocking bridge and mini stream of the beautiful park.

Where is my fish...?

Natural foot reflexology....Kids are always very healthy and can't feel the throbbing pain at all!!

The real meaning of "Suffering"...

It has been quite sometimes that every night before sleep, Eeanne will send her loving kindness to herself, mommy daddy and sometimes someone that she knows. And usually it will end as this way:
"May they all be well and happy, May they all be free from all kind of suffering"

There was once Eeanne asked:
"Mommy...what is suffering?"

And mommy gave Eeanne an scientific answer which she just "oh.." but mommy is not sure how well Eeanne understand.

Here is a short message from Auntie Joyce about suffering which mommy finds is very meaningful, practical and inspiring.

Here is to share with Eeanne and all who read this blog....

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Whatever is happening to us now mirrors our past karma. If we know that, and know it truly, whenever suffering and difficulties befall us, we do not view them particularly as failures or catastrophes, or see suffering as a punishment in any way. Nor do we blame ourselves or indulge in self-hatred.

We see the pain we are going through as the completion of the effects, the fruition, of a past karma. Tibetans say that suffering is “a broom that sweeps away all our negative karma.” We can even be grateful that one karma is coming to an end. We know that “good fortune,” a fruit of good karma, may soon pass if we do not use it well, and that “misfortune,” the result of negative karma, may in fact be giving us a marvelous opportunity to evolve.

~ Sogyal Rinpoche (Rigpa Glimpse of the Day for Oct 15 2010)
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When we view suffering as something bad, we naturally react with a defiled mind. That makes the things appear far worse than it is, and become far worse than it was. Moreover it conditions new negative karmas. In our delusion and ignorance, we may fail to see that much of the suffering we experience is not the result of the old karmas or any external conditions, but the new negative karmas that we're creating in reaction to them.

However, if we see the suffering as it is, wisely, we see that it is simply part of the natural phenomena of causes and effects. Just as when a storm happens, instead of cursing it, we just look for shelter if we can, and it passes naturally.

~ Ayasma Kumara
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Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu

My only "Diamond"

Today mommy finally get assured and confirmed against 2nd pregnancy..:-/. Mommy went for 3rd jab of Cervarix at Dr Chia's gynae clinic (Dr Chia is the doc who brings Eeanne to this world), so mommy took the opportunity to re-confirm again with Dr Chia on my thought of 2nd baby.

It has always a wish to give Eeanne a sibling since she touched 1y.o. Up to today, mommy never told Eeanne about mommy medical history, here is a bit of mommy pregnancy history:

"mommy was diagnosed with Nephritis during the 4th month pregnancy with Eeanne. All started with the early proteinuria and hematuria. Mommy was half bed resting for the 1st trimester, off from work for almost 2 months. During these 2 months, every steps that mommy taken was so cautious, all thought was focus on how to keep my baby in safe and sound. Mommy had to go through biopsy during the 4th month, the feelings was like sitting on the roller coster. After the biopsy, then it was confirm as autoimmune Nephritis. The only lucky thing which mommy really thinks is a blessing was mommy's BP went stable through the whole pregnancy, this delay the starting of Prednisolone. Immediately after the caesarean, mommy was put on Prednisolone, after only 1 mth, all the side effects slowly emerged, the most embarrassing side effects were the "moon face" and "buffalo hump", anyway mommy went through it, whenever mommy felt sad and down on mommy's appearance, by looking at my little adorable baby made all the worries and low self esteem vanished."

So immediately the delivery, mommy started with the nephrology follow up every 2-3 months. Currently mommy was on Micardis 80mg and Lipitor 20mg.

2 months ago, mommy discussed with nephrologist to stop taking medication, because mommy planned to have a sibling for Eeanne. So mommy stopped medication for approximately 2 months. Hai....too bad, after the 2 months, everything went bad, urine protein increase, lipid profile increase and BP increase too. So nephrologist suggested to continue the medication and to try again maybe a year later. The thought of another try never ceased, whenever mommy see a little baby, all the memory of babyhood and craving came back.

Until today, after had a short chat with Dr Chia, the enlightenment strike me. The thought of having 2 babies but carrying the risk of going through dialysis suddenly made mommy stop the intention to go for the trial. Mommy needs to preserve whatever good health I have now to nurture Eeanne, to grow with Eeanne and see Eeanne turn into a teenager, a lady, a career woman, a happy wife and a caring mother. Eeanne needs mommy's attention very much, how could mommy fulfill Eeanne's needs if mommy myself were not in good shape.

Ok lah....Mommy has decided now....You will be our only precious "Diamond".

Mindfullness...

This is a piece of article shared by Auntie Joyce, mommy finds it really enlightening and would like to share it with Eeanne and whoever read this blog.

It is indeed a good reminder in our daily practice.....

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Part 1 Empty mind need not be devil’s workshop by GIRISH DESHPANDE, Time of India, 25 January 2010 New Delhi, India -- It is strange how we have been made to believe since growing years, of an idle mind being the devil’s workshop. The Buddhist view is to Classroom An empty mind need not be the devil’s workshop Sit in a comfortable position – as lotus or just cross-legged – in a quiet place, with the spine erect, hands folded across your lap, with the bottom of your right palm resting on the left palm and the two thumbs touching each other. Eyes angled at the slant of the nose, shoulders thrown back, chin slightly tucked in and the tongue tip touching the palate of the slightly open mouth -- the seven-point Vairacona posture. Steady the mind with slow and regular breaths. Focus on the breath till you sense reasonable steadiness of mind. Observe the mind carefully. What is happening within it? Quite likely there will be thoughts because such is its nature. All forms, sounds, thoughts and perceptions – there is nothing that does not arise in the mind. Now observe mindfully what is happening to these thoughts. Some come and go on their own; few others linger and retreat while yet others are persistent. This is a normal experience. Here begins the interesting part. While in this state of observance, where you are aware of what is going on around you but not engaging in them on in any way, you will ‘see’ that unless there is an engagement of any arisen thought or feeling by the intervention of any one of the six senses, five sensory and the conceptualised mind, no response will be forthcoming in the form of body or speech actions. This means that only when we engage, consciously or sub-consciously, with our arising thoughts and feelings, do they have the capacity to manifest further. It means, if we do not engage with arising thoughts or feelings, they will die or fade out on their own. This is the nature of our mind. Awareness, undivided from Emptiness. This is known as the view. Slowly come out of this state and return to the ordinary state. As soon as an external negative stimulus of any kind is given to the mind, be it an angry word, an unpleasant smell, a loud sound, a painful feeling, a sorrowful sight, a negative thought with a capacity to bring suffering upon us or others, observe for a moment how this stimulus is being treated by the mind before reacting to it. If we can effectively change this ‘immediately reactive’ treatment into a ‘delayed response’ kind of treatment from within the state of emptiness, the resultant offering will be pleasant and virtuous. Train yourself in mindfulness. At all times be vigilant of the manner in which the mind is processing every external stimulus. To an ordinary mind, stimuli can be sensational, arousing, disturbing and seductive. The mind is gullible and thoughts can deceive easily. But if we are observant at every moment, we will be able to grasp the ‘slipping’ mind and instead respond from the View state of awareness-emptiness. This can be made a continuous living experience. And to relentlessly practice the accumulations of the view and meditation at all times, is our action. Perfecting this state is Dzogchen practice, central to the Nyingma tradition of Buddhism. Remember to humbly dedicate all pleasant sights for the liberation of all beings. Actions themselves have no capacity to bring benefit unless dedicated. Such dedication, detached from pride, ambition and conceptualisation will bring us happiness through liberation from sufferance. Part 2 In practising loving kindness (metta), we start by loving ourselves. This includes accepting and forgiving ourselves. Below is a step by step on forgiveness, Buddhism style: Have forgiveness in your heart for anything you think you've done wrong. Forgive yourself for all the past omissions and commissions. They are long gone. Understand that you were a different person and this one is forgiving that one that you were. Feel that forgiveness filling you and enveloping you with a sense of warmth and ease.

Mommy's book light

Ever since mommy practise the bedtime story telling to Eeanne, it has becomes a routine duty for mommy now. Recently Eeanne insisted on the same story of "Little bears who suck their fingers" almost every night, and after the story telling, Eeanne will just rolled on her bed with mommy must sleep at her side waiting for Eeanne to fall asleep. This sometimes can take more than an hour and mommy really lost all the privacy and personal time for own leisure reading.

Now with the book light that daddy bought, mommy able to do own reading after the story telling with Eeanne. With the almost an hour time with Eeanne rolling by mommy's side, this book light has indeed makes mommy's time more fruitful.

Yeh...mommy has finally finished reading the book of "The Last Lecture" with the help of this book light.

Front and Back cover

wah....see the wonder of this book light...

This book light has encourage mommy to read more...now mommy has a long awaited book list to accomplish and yet able to accompany Eeanne to sleep...:-)

Eeanne...mommy highly recommend this book "The Last Lecture" to you. Mommy presents you as a gift, make sure you read huh.....

"Thought" - the product of Mind

Last Sat, mommy and daddy attended a dharma talk by Bhante Aggacitta at SS3, during mommy's pregnancy (can't recall the month), mommy attended a talk by Bhante Aggacitta too at BGF, that was the first time Eeanne exposed to dharma talk inside mommy's womb.

Here is some insight that mommy would like to share with Eeanne, hopefully this will help you in your life when you have read this one day.

2 take home lessons from Bhante Aggacitta's talk:

1) Our thought is usually at either one of these 2 states: (1) Idle state (2) Productive state
Majority of the time, our thought is at Idle state, at this Idle state, our thought is either doing its assumption, imagination or false belief, which we called it not mindful.
So always watch your thought and bring it to Productive state, by practising this, eventually will lead us to a better quality of life.
The interpretation of quality of life = the way we react to our six senses.

2) Useful tool in making decision on almost everything: BAR Test
B - Benefit
A - Appropriate
R - Relavant / Realistic
Eg. When our thought is in Idle state, apply the BAR test, is the "thought" bring Benefit to what you are doing? Is it Appropriate to what you are doing now? and lastly is it Relavant? As long as there is a NO answer to either one of the questions, then stop on pursuing the "thought", bring it back to current Productive state.
This BAR test is useful even in daily life, practise it....

Digest this and try to practise it Eeanne....it will definitely help you in a way if not fully.